Attacked In The Street

The Happy Slapping Granny

(I miss Yasmin.)

Yesterday, I went to Lewisham to get some material! I was in a short dress and I walked around, all these people staring, saw my friend Lady G from my hairdressers who gets dresses from highstreet stores and sells them to us at a fraction of the price- she's like Robin Hood, I say.

Anyway, I saw this nice old granny, very much like the one below standing near the fruit stall in the market, for some blasted reason I took it upon myself to go talk to her. 

"Hello," I say, looking down at this short granny. 

"Hello, dear." She says,straining her lil neck to look up to me.

"How are you? What you doing today?"

"I'm just looking around." I see her I eyes wandering. "I'm looking at... at... at THESE!" I feel her little hand slapping my thighs. "Yes, these." She giggles to herself. "They're nice. Yes, nice and FAT!" She giggles some more.

My poor thick thighs jiggling from their attack, trembling in fear of further reprisal. Oh the horror.  I politely told the old granny to have a nice day and went bout my business, like I should have done in the first place.

So Sexy!

Speaking of attacks. I've been to see Torn at the Arcola Theatre, where their front of house staff need a tump in the lip, the way they talk to people! Like, it was the interval of the play and Tic Tac, Shaki and I were standing outside having a cheeky fag and the woman, who had already been rude and snappy to me came out and was like "Do you want to see the rest of the play?" I thought,what?!? That's not how you speak to people. Didn't want to start a fight cos it's a black play and I don't wanna be the ones to ruin it.

Anyway, where was I? Torn at the Arcola theatre in Dalston is frigging amazing. I've been to see it twice and while Jocelyn Esien (AKA Little Miss Jocelyn), Kelle Bryan (Eternal) and the whole cast stun and daze the audience with gripping performances, it's Wil Jonhson (Baby Father, Waking The Dead)  who catches my eye. Old enough to be my father and I attacked him in the theatre, embarrassing myself telling how amazing he is and going on and on.  I don't care. He's amazing. I did the same thing to Jocelyn Esien and I just get so starstruck. They are where people want to be. 

He's an amazing actor. Kudos to you.

So Sexy!