Sunday, 21 June 2009

Star Trek Vs Transformers 2: Who Wins?

(It's nearly 1am and I'm going to buy chocolate and Mike&Ikes at the shop after this!)

Hi guys. How are you? There are 32 of you guys now, I hope you guys are as happy as I am. I feel really proud of myself. I got a First in my project this term at university. I worked really hard and it paid off. Yay for me. I'm going into my final year fucking excited about my future. This is so great! Anyhooo, let's talk about what we're here for.

Star Trek Vs Transformers 2.

Now, you need to understand that I am a neek, hence my e-mail address For all my non-London readers, not to patronise you, but a neek is a geek or a nerd, a boffin or whatever and that's me- 100%. I love Sci-Fi, not so much the Star Wars stuff, but I loooooove Sci-Fi. Gimme space ships, aliens and conspiracies and you got me! (My favourite film is The Fifth Element.)

Star Trek

So imagine my uncontainable joy when on my way to work at SuperSuper near the station there's this huge bill board of the new Star Trek was erected.

It was awe-inspiring to me. Sophia, Lisa and I were there at Streatham Hill Odeon to watch this amazing feat of cinematic genius by J J Abrams.

Star Trek managed to wrap up a complicated story in a neat hour and a half bow. The tension between Chris Pine's Kirk and Zachary Quinto's (Sylar from Heros) Spock is electrifying and drives the movie into your memory as one of the best action films you've seen lately. I will, however, tell you something for nothing though, Zoe Saldana, in my opinion does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in this film especially when you consider the fact they've put her on the billboard, you'd expect her to do something, like pick up a gun, bitch! LOL. Fight someone. Gosh, that's the only thing that grated me. (I'm being petty- she's amazing.) Simon Pegg as Scottie is the fucking sexiest member of the cast to me. GO BRITAIN!!!

Favourite Part of the Film: Sophia and I have come to the conclusion that this is the Susan Boyle moment. It's when Sulu claims that he has advanced combat training, so he, Kirk and one next dude are sent to fight the Romulans. Before they are sent down Kirk asks Sulu what kind of combat training he has and Sulu says Fencing. LOLOLOLOLOL! When he gets down to kick the Romulan's asses, Sulu does a fucking amazing job, with this amazing retracting sword. GREATNESS.

CUT&SWALLOW Verdict: 9.5/10!

Go with your girls, you don't even need to be a neek to understand this. It's a great film.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

I LOVE Transformers. At the office, at my desk, there is an original deciptacon Transformer toy on the mac I work on! I found it in the office, SuperSuper is crazy like that, there are the most amazing things just floating around and claimed it. I get pissy when its been moved.

This is me at work with my Transformer friend on my head. LOL.

LOL. But yeah. When I was in Zimbabwe, my grandpa would wake me up on Sunday mornings to watch Transformers and Batman before church! OK? I love Transformers.

Michael Bay did an 85% job on the first Transformers film. It wasn't perfect and I know the die-hard fans were pissy at him because of all this little inconsequential bullshit like; Optimus Prime was a flat nose truck in the cartoon and is a long nose one in the film. Whatever. It was a good film and was a huge inspiration for the dresses in my last collection; I watch films on repeat when I'm sewing.

Transformers 2 just about gets 50% and that's me being generous. Shia Labeouf and John Turturro really work hard and save the film. The writing really lets this film down. Michael Bay really flopped, the film is just way too long, with too many characters, too many fights, too much story, not enough sense. Like for instance, there is a general, who is killed in the very opening scene of the first Transformers film. His airforce base is destroyed. And he is the general in this new film. I'm like what the bloody fucking nonsense? It pissed me off for the whole film.

And you know what else pissed me off? Megan Fox's character was just used as a vehicle for sex the entire movie. I dont understand, if you know there's an alien race of robots and you and your boyfriend have to fight them, why put on a a low cut top so your titties flip flop around? If it was me, I'd put on two bras or a sports bra and a t-shirt, jeans and a pair of converse or some next heavy duty walking trainers. Oh no, not Miss Fox. She's at work in a garage in batty riders? They made her look ridiculously slutty. I know she's not, but wow, they don't want no one else to know.

Favourite part of this film: The end.

CUT&SWALLOW Verdict: 5.5/10

Shit movie, wait for the DVD. Or go to the cinema really high. I wont lie, there are some very decent parts, but they're let down by stupid characters like Sam's room mate.


If you actually read all of that, I'll put up a tutorial of whatever you wanna learn to make.

Live long and prosper, lovers.


alicojolico said...

i looooved star trek! so good.

Anonymous said...

Just curious, but are you Zimbabwean?

Anonymous said...

I am sorry, that I interfere, but, in my opinion, there is other way of the decision of a question.